Let's talk about living life

 One thing I have learned...

A cancer diagnosis changes you whether you admit it or not.  How can you not feel intimidated by those words that so often mean a death sentence.  For some with prostate cancer that is found later than others, that is exactly what it is.  I am extremely lucky that it was found early enough and removed with clean boarders.  It will still weigh heavily on my existence and those in my family and life.  As I have stated before, I do not feel that there is anyone that has not been touched by a friend, family or themselves touched by the horror of cancer.  I count myself rather fortunate that it did not impact me too much until my mother's diagnosis and then my own later in life.  My father had a bought with colon cancer, but like me, they could remove the section and thus remove the issue.  Kinda remote, but not all that impactful since he was ok even years since his surgery.

Now it is my turn and yes it was cut out, but not without issues.  I lost a sex life overnight.  I was faced with my mental health issues that I successfully suppressed for years.  I may have been fooling myself for those years as I am now realizing my suppression hurt those I love for years.  My eyes are opened wide to the asshole that I was.

I need to let go and enjoy life.  Cherish what I do have and look forward to the next day for I am lucky and the cancer, so far, is gone!



 (Edit 6/17/25)  Since I said it is time to live, there is one thing that still haunts me (and likely others).  When I hear of someone being diagnosed or having to visit an oncologist, I cannot put it out of my mind quickly.  That single word - CANCER - stirs it all up again.  It is not only my gut that churns for me, it is my gut churning with the empathy for the patient and family of having to take a similar journey.  Sadly, some may not be as lucky as I am (so far).

There are traps everywhere for everyone.  As I write, another trigger is playing in the background that slaps me in the face every time.  In "She's Having a Baby" Kevin Bacon is faced with the possibility of losing his wife in childbirth.  The scene is too much for me as it hits very close to home.  I was in his shoes 34 years ago.  I cannot watch or listen to that scene or very similar scenes in other shows or movies because of my trauma.

We all need to let it go and get help to address your triggers - those memories that you cannot shake but are far too easily remembered.  My wife just got her sweatshirt that says "Everyone is fighting their own personal battles; don't judge people because you don't know the battles they are fighting in secret."   Be kind.  Be empathetic.  Be sympothetic.  And listen with your ears, not your mouth.

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