Keep on going...

 All about me

To update since it has been a while since I have posted, I am doing better with the help of the proper medication and counseling.  I cannot stress enough to find a counselor that can truly empathize with your situation.

What happened?

The medication and therapy have helped me work on myself.  More so, my eyes were opened more to what I was doing to myself and others.  More importantly, what I was doing to my wife.  The depression and anxiety were affecting me and my attitude.  I was lashing out and angrily confronting many who were standing by me.  Oh, I was still angry, but it was focused toward others.  Namely, there is a lot of angst toward the medical establishment.  I was, and still am, pissed at the doctor who I consider lied by omission.  The doctor stood behind the statistics that are routinely thrown around - 80%-85% fully recover to full sexual function within 2 years.  When I directly asked what HIS statistics were, he fell back on the same statistic without disclosing his personal experiences.  Being crushed by the word CANCER and looking for a fix at almost any cost led me to the surgery for the best chance to be cured, not that any cancer can be cured.

I feel betrayed and angry at the doctor and all of those that did recover any type of sexual function.  I directed that anger to them and began to look at my support system and hope to mend the hurt that I have caused.  It is hard. and trying to heal those wounds takes time.  I would also like to think I am changing for the better.

On that path, at a recent function, I refused to dance as I feel like I have 3 left feet and cannot dance.  I can make this look graceful!



I again hurt my wife by refusing to spend time dancing with her because of my insecurity.  I enrolled both of us in dance classes to ease my anxiety and gain security for my mind that I can and do know how to dance.  It is a big step for me personally as I hate to look foolish in front of people.  Time will tell as we start lessons soon.  When I have those lessons under my belt and in my mind, I will take my wonderfully beautiful wife out dancing.  This is a time to make a new and better version of me.  


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