Who suffers when medical trauma occurs?
I know this is a quick post
as they have been coming monthly, but something I recently read triggered my
mind to thinking again. Dangerous idea, I know!
When a man is presented with a
Prostate Cancer diagnosis, we become self-centered and most times completely
absorbed and self-centered mentally. We turn inside ourselves and think
we are the only ones suffering. The recent reading, I referenced
completely turned that on its head.
Let's just consider our
prostate cancer... Who else is affected by this? In particular, it
is a spouse or significant other in your life. They are the ones that you
have shared the diagnosis, asked for assistance in deciding about treatment,
and stood beside you as you emptied your catheter bag. They are also the
ones that sat in the waiting room while you have your treatment. In my
case, she sat in the car in the parking garage waiting for a phone call from
the surgeon because nobody was allowed in the hospital due to COVID-19.
Just think about it - in the car, in the cold/heat, in a parking garage!
Now, when we are self-absorbed
with our treatment induced side effects and the anger/resentment/self-pity/etc.,
who is still standing by? Yes, you guessed it. Your significant
other. They are there sharing in the feelings you have and likely worse because
they feel helpless to assist you in any way. They feel the same things
you do, but likely hold it in to help you. I am sure there are times that
my spouse cries if not externally, then internally for the pain you have.
They just don't show you, so you have someone to lean on.
This is not exclusive of our
disease. It happens to any terminal disease. I feel extremely
guilty when I ran into a friend's wife. He has a terminal illness that
will likely take his life sooner than anyone expected just 5 years ago. I
asked how he was doing, and COMPLETELY forgot to ask how SHE was doing during
this time. I still feel guilty that I ignored how she was during this
time. She is in as much pain or more due to this medical trauma.
How many others do this as well? Most do not even consider the stress a
spouse encounters.
Let's take a few moments to sit
with this....
We need to tell those you love
that you appreciate them more than they can imagine. They are the rock in
your life right now. They are the support you have for day-to-day
survival. So next time you get so mad at yourself, and it comes out as
aggressiveness to your relationship - STOP and take a moment to collect your
thoughts and TALK to them instead of barking at them. They understand
more than you think and feel just as much as you do. Stop and love them
for being there!