Bittersweet
Well I have reached another milestone, in more ways than one. I celebrated another trip around the sun, but then also was reminded that singular trip around the sun also marked one year of being diagnosed with prostate cancer. Not something you celebrate. It is more of a reminder that yes, cancer was officially communicated with you by a doctor and it changed your life!
I have had time to reflect and be thankful that my PSA is still undetectable. I am extremely thankful for that. I wanted cancer out and it looks like I succeeded. I still question the option due to the side effects. I am still struggling with that issue. I think a couple of Yogi-isms can fit this situation...
"Baseball is 90% mental and the other half is physical" and "It ain’t over till it’s over."
Of course, I am not talking about baseball! The need to overcome the mental aspect is intense. The anxiety of performing has never been an issue in the past. Now it seems to creep into the forefront any time something seems like it should work to be that external stimulus that used to work like a charm. Now, when that feeling creeps into the process, it is like a lead balloon and the thoughts start to wander anywhere but where they need to be. There has to be a better way!