Strange times

Talking with collegues, we decided that these are now strange times.  We are moving past the pandemic, but the pandemic has made us more aware of those around us.  This is not just becuase of COVID, but there seems to be an awakening in many of us to become more selfish and seemingly entitled.  Have you recently been in the grocery store?  Many more shoppers are self absorbed - maybe on the phone, picking a product, or something else.  They are oblivious to anyone else in the world.  Courtesy is gone.  

Maybe it is part of my journey through these damn changes.  Maybe it is my fight to feel normal.  Maybe it is only me that has changed and everyone else is still the same, but I am more aware of my surroundings.  I am not sure, but it is difficult to navigate and keep an even keel and present a happy person, covering the pain inside.

One thing that we are all told when diagnosed is to find a support group to help you navigate a cancer diagnosis (I finally said it - I have a cancer diagnosis).  I have never before put that out there.  It does change your viewpoint on life!

Back to my original thoughts.  I have attended a couple of PC support groups and after each meeting, I felt worse than I did before the meeting.  I keep giving it a chance and try to keep an open mind, but the meetings are closed to anyone new that may not have come to terms with their treatment option.  There are MANY questions and issues that come up on a daily basis.  I am sure many of us are floundering to find answers and are just moving along day by day surviving.  The groups have so much potential, but the focus of the meeting always turns into a complaining session.  Last one turned from a potential discussion to a bunch of old men complaining about what they were never told.  If this is true, I feel incredibly fortunate.  My team has always been open and truthful.  It was my comprehension and the gravity of the information that I missed.  

I have never considered myself to be an optimist or glass half full kind of guy, but when in the meetings, I seem like a visionary and hopeful that I will beat the odds.  After all, I had back surgery to eliminate pain and 2-3 weeks after, I was mowing the grass to keep myself moving and heeling.  It did incite a major incident within my home - my wife was livid!  As I saw it, I was walking back and forth in the yard, I was just pushing something in front of me while I walked.  I was told to walk, so I did!  I bounced back from that like it was nothing.  I also had a knee replacement and was up and around with no assistance within a week.  I like to beat the odds and accept a challenge.

Radical prostectomy has kicked my ass.  Yes, I healed physically, but the mental toll is really hard to shake.  It gets even harder to jump the mental hurdle when you go to a support group and you hear everyone complaining!  They complain that they were never told about all of the side effects.  They complain that doctors won't tell them what exactly will happen to them, the doctors only recite statistics.  What do they expect?  Nobody has a crystal ball to see into the future.  The only thing they can give you is statistics!!  They also complain about their treatments and the side effects that they claim they were never told about.  After 90 minutes of complaining, I had to leave the meeting.  I also notices that you can never get a word into the conversation.  All of the complaining and jumping on that bandwagon drown out any kind of positivity that you can bring to the conversation.  I felt even more rejected after that 90 minutes.

I did hear one bright spot during the bitchfest.  A man in Canada mentioned that his local meeting invited a sex therapist to the Zoom meetings to help everyone navigate their new normal.  That sounds like a great topic and meeting for those of us who are wandering around looking for the new normal.  That seemed to offer some hope and positivity that these groups so desparately need.  How can you find groups like that?

I am still looking for that positive group.  I am still keeping my positive attitude that I will beat the odds and become one of those men that overcame the side effects, although I an extremely frustrated at the speed.  I will continue to look for ways to heal and find the new normal.  Whatever I find, I will document for others to try!