Prostate Cancer SUCKS

 If you have been following my journey and blog posts, you will find some lingering questions about this diagnosis and surgery.  What is left after all the news and changes feels like a hollow being.  I am engrained with my past and the memories of what I thought a man should be, but all the physical changes, although all positive to "cure" prostate cancer have left me questioning everything I knew. I also have strongly recommended that anyone going through this talk to a professional and seek guidance to stay on track.  I have done just that, but still left feeling hollow and alone.  Even the men's groups of those that have travelled the same journey left me feeling isolated and alone.   Let's break it down. The professionals know how to fix you, but typically do not know what you are going through.  You can talk and describe it, but in the end, you still feel these feelings.  They DO help.  I cannot imagine not having the help when I...

Yes, this is the feeling!  The insicisions are healed, scars are still there, pads are now mostly optional, BUT this is the feeling of waiting the 12-18 months for full functionality to MAYBE return.  I feel like the box above, or as a military term, "Hurry up and wait!"  I wish there was some pixie dust that would work to heal everything at once.  I look whole, but don't feel whole. That is the saddest part of this nasty disease.  It steals something you never knew you had and took for granted.  I feel it stole my identity!  Oh yea, there were warnings and others before me that sounded alarms, but until you walk the walk and go the mile in those shoes, it does not hit home until it is gone.  Then it is too late.  STOP!  I have no regrets in my decision to have everything removed, but I did not have the complete understanding of how much my identity as a man was tied to my performance!  I did want the cancer OUT ASAP, I just wishe...