Prostate Cancer SUCKS

 Wow, I just re-read Pt5 and I was all over the place.  There are so many emotions, thoughts, and feelings since you are cursed with a diagnosis of prostate cancer (or any type of life altering medical diagnosis).  I cannot keep them all straight in my head.  Many of them make it from my head to my mouth and they do not come out as expected.  This can compound the existing mental thoughts in my head with additional conflict with those that you love.  Those that you love and support you do not have insight into your thoughts and feelings.  Things come out of my mouth that do not reach the listener as I intended in my mind.  This creates additional stresses on your relationships.   There is one thing that I have learned (and told) is to keep the lines of communication open and share all of those feelings, thoughts, and emotions.  Share with a significant other, a professional, or a friend.  You need to get them out in the open....

Well, the surgery is over.  The healing has begun.  The initial test came back and was great news.  Technically, I am cancer free!  That all sounds great, right?  We don't I feel lucky and grateful? One thing that I learned from the past 6 months, there is a great roller coaster that comes with a prostate cancer diagnosis.   One cannot control life.  It truly is a roller coaster.  That takes a lot of getting used to.  The anxiety of the uphill waiting for test results or healing processes.  Then the twists and turns of the ups and downs.  The diagnosis, sharing with loved ones, the loss of our intimacy (due to stress - preoperative, side effects - postoperative).  I know all the sayings that intimacy "is much more than sex" but that does not change what is internal to me (or many men).  I feel robbed of the life that I had.  Have I lost my manhood?   Societal expectations for men (and I know that...

 Well here we are post surgery.  You get to come home with bags of stuff to get you through the next week.  I literally had bags of bags so that I could change into a "travel" bag that could be strapped to your leg and an extra overnight bag so you can collect everything overnight.  What exactly is everything?  Your urine!  You are now the proud owner of your very own catheter and assorted bag collection.  Sounds lick fun?  It really is!!  Sleeping with pads and pads and tubes.  It was not easy, but like me, you will get through it.  It may be uncomfortable, but as my wife says, you are still here! After a week, you will get the catheter removed in the office just after you are x-rayed to make sure the new connection has sealed enough to accept urine.  If all goes well, it is the first step to feeling normal again.    There is also the dreaded post surgery PSA test.  The anxiety of seeing that level is just as ...