Prostate Cancer Really Sucks - Pt3

 The wait....    

As I have written, I was officially diagnosed on my birthday.  That really sucked to get that news on a day meant to be a celebration of life!

My wife and I discussed this diagnosis and the implications on our relationship.  To be honest and completely frank, we (or at least me) were enjoying our second relationship.  The kids have grown and out of the house.  We had our weekend getaways and enjoyed our time together.  These were very difficult conversations.  Our marriage was long standing and we have always been together through rough times, but this was the biggest mountain to climb, and the largest elephant in the room.  It was so large that there was no avoiding it!  I will say that communication is the ONLY way to get through this with your partner.  Without those discussions and sharing feelings, the relationship WILL suffer!

Now that we had a decision, we asked the doctor about a second opinion.  The surgeon can have a large impact on the future.  He assured us that he as done a few hundred of these.  We wanted a surgeon that had done thousands for the best possible outcome.  We found one that fulfilled our requirement and was also personable.  We felt like we hit the lottery for this cancer shit for once.

Next came scheduling the surgery.  We made it for about 5-6 weeks from meeting the surgeon.  Boy that felt like forever.  So much time to think - about the decision, about the side effects, about the future.  So many rabbit holes to chase at night.  This wait was a double edged sword.  I was fortunate to have the time, but also unfortunate to be able to dwell on the details.  I suggest that anyone going through this find a professional to talk with.  Your spouse is supportive, but they are also family and too close.  A professional mental health worker can be objective and give you guidance.  They cannot stop you chasing ghosts down the rabbit holes of your mind, but they can offer you help to try to stop or distract yourself when you do start that behavior.  

Try to find someone who is at least sympathetic to your situation or has helped others through this journey.  You do not want to hear that you are making more of this than you should and that you will still be a man when you come out of this.  I actually heard that from someone I opened up to.  This person really dismissed my fear and told me basically to 'buck up'.  I did not see that person again!  They had no understanding of the mental anguish that you will go through with a diagnosis and options that you face.

Enough about that!  I did make it through the wait and wound up being taken to surgery.  I did not back out or change my mind as much as I would have loved to so so.  I will continue in part 4...I will continue with our journey, but remember, this is not medical advice and I am not a medical doctor.  Seek medical advice from your doctor, not Dr. Google or any social media support group!

Please feel free to leave comments.  It is only with sharing that those with this disease can help each other and those that come after us.

Popular posts from this blog

Prostate Cancer Really Sucks - Pt1

 My Journey begins... Hello, If you are reading this, you have an interest in Prostate Cancer.  From the title, it is self explanatory!  Prostate Cancer, or ANY cancer really sucks.  I watched what cancer can do when my mother was diagnosed.  They performed surgery to remove the affected areas, but as the surgeon explained to us, there was just too much fat to get everything.  Boy does that fill you with confidence!  My mother was not large, but was over weight.  I just could not believe the surgeon had said that to the family with any confidence.  I was dumb struck.  I watched as she went through chemo and radiation treatments followed by blood tests that showed it all worked.  Thankful, we all took a huge breath of fresh air and relaxed.  But cancer laughed at us while we adjusted to normal again.  Within a year, the blood tests showed traces of cancer again.  Here we go again...  She then went for round two ...
Read more

Prostate Cancer Really Sucks - Pt5

Image
Well, the surgery is over.  The healing has begun.  The initial test came back and was great news.  Technically, I am cancer free!  That all sounds great, right?  We don't I feel lucky and grateful? One thing that I learned from the past 6 months, there is a great roller coaster that comes with a prostate cancer diagnosis.   One cannot control life.  It truly is a roller coaster.  That takes a lot of getting used to.  The anxiety of the uphill waiting for test results or healing processes.  Then the twists and turns of the ups and downs.  The diagnosis, sharing with loved ones, the loss of our intimacy (due to stress - preoperative, side effects - postoperative).  I know all the sayings that intimacy "is much more than sex" but that does not change what is internal to me (or many men).  I feel robbed of the life that I had.  Have I lost my manhood?   Societal expectations for men (and I know that...
Read more

Prostate Cancer Really Sucks - Pt2

 So the journey begins... I have been diagnosed and confirmed by my doctor.  The reality sinks in and so begins my dive into the internet with Dr. Google.  I will caution anyone doing the same, please stick to the reputable sites that give you real information and not the many "alternative" medical sites that claim curing anything with a few vitamins and 'special cocktail of supplements'.   What Dr. Google told me was what I would hear from my doctor when he reviewed the options.  The difference was, I was already familiar with many of the options and had my questions ready.  My spouse and I spent time with the doctor and rattled off many questions about each option.  After the details were discussed, the doctor suggested a second opinion to talk about what may be best for us.  I did say "US" as this is a relationship changing disease/diagnosis.  This will affect a spouse as much as the one who has the cancer. As I did my dive with Dr....
Read more