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Showing posts from December, 2022

Dashing through the shit

Following up on yesterday's post, this time of the year is hard enough, but throw cancer and the side effects of the treatment options, hormonal changes, and anything else (like the kitchen sink) and this time of the year can be damn depressing. The cancer news hits hard when you hear it, but it is nothing compared to what your mind goes through with the treatment.  It can make you ball up inside yourself and not discuss anything ever again.  On top of that, the discussions that need to happen are HARD as we never had to talk about sex when one of us is incapable of having sex in the normal way (as it had been for 40+ years).  I know in my mind that this is not true and there are other ways, but we NEVER had to have these in depth conversations and never had so much emotion tied to one subject! Almost 2 years now since the cancer was removed, I still feel like a shell of a person, let alone a man.  I cannot seem to do anything right.  It seems in my mind that I ...

Into the holiday we roll...

 It's that time of the year again.  The holiday season has always been difficult.  Many do not have the means to provide and the economy is making that even harder.  I remember as a kid growing up in the recession when the gas was rationed by the last number on your license plate.  Lines around the block to fill up on your even or odd day.  Somehow my mom made it work.  As a parent now, I know how hard it was to keep the illusion real for your kids.  That has always stressed me. Add to that the loss of both maternal figures within a year and then my prostate cancer!  Seeing all the Hallmark moments/movies brings it all home on how unrealistic Hollywood makes the holidays look.  It is no wonder there is so much depression at this time of the year. On top of all of that crap, we went to a dinner with a group of friends.  One of the group has ALS and has progressed far too quickly for my comfort.  I just hate seeing anyone, and pa...